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Sunday, October 14, 2007
Bad Dates Contest Voting

YEP! You are going to vote for your favorite caption. Isnt that fun ladies and gentle-dudes?  Yew darn bet ya it is.  VOTE and Pay Attention to those who have entered more than once because I assigned a number along with the name to avoid confusion.

   DEADLINE FOR CAPTION VOTING IS Wednesday (Oct.17, 07) 


Choose the Best "Bad Dates" Caption (read entries below poll - multiple entries by same person will have a number added to name to avoid confusion)
Herb #1
BluesBrutha #1
Doctor Doug
BluesBrutha #2
Herb #2
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Herb #1 Oct 13, 07
"And this here is our jail, Mr. Daveman. Meet our town hootchie-mama, Miss Mathilda MacIntyre."
BluesBrutha #1 Oct 11, 07
I'm Sorry Ma'am .. I'm NOT Daveman! He's Gray, Old and Smells like Hai Karate Aftershave mixed with some vintage 1975 vintage Brut. 'scuse me while I KIss the Sky!
Evie Oct 11, 07
Woman: Wait, I still have a few questions to ask you!

Hero: This is speed dating, my 3 minutes are up. The sheriff's next!
DoctorDoug Oct 11, 07
Do YOU hear banjos???
Terri Oct 10, 07
No, I have NOT made any online purchases from Manster! Why do you ask?
Joe  (NON ENTRY - I think?) Oct 10, 07
I'm not going to post a caption until I get that stupid theme song out of my head.

Thanks a lot, Dave. :(
BluesBrutha #2 Oct 10, 07
Ah Needs a MAYUN! A BIG Burly Mayun and You R' IT! Big Handsome Redsuit Mayun!

Hero: Quick Deputy Marty!.. Get the Delorian Ready to go BACK to the Furture!
Diesel Oct 10, 07
You wuz even better than that FBI feller!
Jerry Oct 10, 07
I told you we need to rent this room for more than an hour
Herb #2 Oct 10, 07
I always did go for superheroes.
Scott Oct 09, 07
Those who failed the audition for the Village People didn't give up; they went on to form the mildly unsuccessful 'One Horse Town People'.
Gigglesbee Oct 09, 07
I thought you said this was a COSTUME PARTY?!?!
Judy Oct 09, 07
"Its true, boys! We ALL got the call for Extreme Makeover!"
pendoodles Oct 09, 07
WOMAN:is this a rerun of 'Men in Tights vs I Shot the Sherrif but not his Deputy'?
AbbyNormal Oct 09, 07
I'll go with bachelor number one, Alex.
Daveman Oct 09, 07
Bertha: "I wanna father your child, sweet cheeks"
Howard Oct 09, 07
"hehh, hehhh, you're William Katt. Oh, god, I love you so much I want to chop you up into little pieces and put them in my freezer so you'll be mine forever."
Ranter Oct 09, 07
Woman: He-he
GAH: What you looking at'
Cop: [mumbling] nothing much.

Que: [canned audience laughter]
Deirdre Oct 09, 07
After a long night of drinking...

She says "Wow, that was great boys. I liked the fact that you both dressed for the part as well."

Superhero: "What the hell? Where did you come from? You're not who we went IN with?"

Sherriff: "Oh my word. What have I done?"
J f Z Oct 09, 07

Thelma bails out the Greatest American Hero from jail only to publicly taunt him that her penis is actually bigger than his.

Posted at 10:21 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(2) Pleading Hostages -->  

Saturday, October 13, 2007
Fat Burger, Anyone?

I just saw a tv show whereby the cast were eating hamburgers.  Now I am hungry for burgers.  While I'm on the subject - home hamburgers, especially if I make them don't taste as good as those you go out to splurge on.  Why is that?

Same thing with sandwiches.  I could make the same identical sandwich, using every thing me Mom would make them with, and it never tastes as good as hers.  Perhaps its all psychological, but really.  I think Moms have a magical touch or something.

Somebody fix me a fat burger please. With mayo, tomato, cheese, lettuce - hold the onions. Oh! And two slices of bacon would be good. Just slide it through the USB port and send the bill to BluesBrutha.

I tried to visit your blog but it kept closing down my browser. It hates me, I think.  I'll try again later because it's nothing new. Yep, its happened before.  I still have no clue as to why that happens. Its like totally funky. Strange even.

Posted at 10:17 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(3) Pleading Hostages -->  

I Think I Skeered a Spook!

Its about time the tables were turned. Its like 12:10 am (yes I'm up late) and went outside for a spell.  I wandered over near the dark woods on the property and MAN! I got a chill.., okay.., its like 40 degrees out so .., whatever.., but I'm talking like the creepy crawly type of chills.., like something was right there with me, but I couldn't see it.

I don't like to up and say "Dude! Its a Ghost and I am sooo out of here!".  Thats not logical.  From past experience I can tell you there are unseen things that can and will scare the peaches to rolling down your pants leg - but this is not so in every case. Most of the time, its very explainable - things like over active imagination can give you the willies just by itself.

Anyways - I was using my logical side of the brain (which ever side that is) and said to myself.., "Dude. There ain't no haint out here. Got that! You are giving yourself the willies."  Satisfied with that, I ditched the whole flight temptation (never could fly anyway).  Made myself stand there, longer than I normally would just to spite that odd sensation.

Well - Funny thing.  Something was rubbing the back of my head.., from the nap of the neck up toward the top of my head.  This was a bit more than I expected, and was a far cry from imagination.  Still, I didn't run.  I WALKED, and resisted the urge to run VERY FAST, as unnerving as this experience was.

Halfway between the house and where I was when it started, I stopped and thought.., "Dude! I am NOT going to let something I cant see have fun at my expense", so I turned around as fast as I could (bad back and all) and flung my arms out as if I were attacking/scaring it - - whatever it was.  It stopped!  I started on back to the house and it started again.  I wheeled around doing the same thing as before only this time, I waggled my pointing finger in the negative, "Don't even!".  And it quit for good.

Now - I gotta be honest.  I never had that happen before.  It felt almost solid, and added weight to the back of my head, but it didn't have the same sensation as you would .., say.., if I were to rub your head in the same area.  Ever see that gooshy rubber stuff they use in kids toys? The sensation would be similar to rubbing that on the back of your head.

I'm well aware that not everyone has any kind of weird unnatural experience, but others do.  My advice is - Never run unless you are obviously in danger. A person must get a grip and understand these things cant hurt you. Get mad or neutral, just don't let fear take hold.  As for why this "thing" did what it did, maybe it liked my new gray hair I'm sporting - I really have no idea.

 THE DEADLINE FOR THE CAPTION CONTEST IS TODAY! (Saturday)! So if you havent entered your caption Click here and do so now.  Midnight tonight, its over with.

Posted at 12:11 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages -->  

Friday, October 12, 2007
News 4 Ladies & Meet Buddy

LADIES:  News!  You might want to start going Au Natural for a while.  NO! Don't start walking around nekkit. I'm talking about your make up - or at least part of it.  It seems quite a bit of lip stick, even the popular brands contain lead, based on recent tests.   Click here for the full news article.
Heeeere's Buddy!
Meet BuddyLet me introduce, Buddy, who also answers to the names, Cowboy, Buddy Wuddy, Bo Bo and perhaps a half dozen other names. He's a transient, that has been kind of adopted by a select few neighbors, but mainly haunts the place where I abode.  Myself and baby brother (who's as big as a house) aka TVI...,  pitched in with a local animal group to get poor buddy neutered.  It seems the other neighbors while fond of Buddy, were not quite THAT fond of Buddy.  He's a Border Collie mix.  I can only guess they think a Border Collie is an illegal or something.
Yesterday I took him to have the deed done, and have to pick him up today. The trip down there left a feeling of sending poor Buddy to his execution. The conversation in the car went something like this..,
ME:  Sorry dude. This hurts me more than it does you, but hey, this is the price you pay when you keep running after loose females. 
HE:  Dang! You are a cruel SOB! I cant help it! The ladies are so fine and I'm just providing a service.., ya know. And how is it going to hurt you worse than me? You freak!
ME:  Yeah right.  You knock up some girl K9s and how are you gunna pay child support, huh?  You stupid dog. You don't even have a job to support any kids - heck, you don't even pay rent or utilities as it is. In this day and time, they will take you to court over this stuff.
HE:  Oh, smart one - where am I going to get a job huh? Who's going to hire me? I'm a DOG! get with the program.
ME:  You missed the point I'm making entirely. No job, and you out there making allot of babies while the poor mommy dogs are stuck with rearing the child dogs all by themselves.  Thats just not showing responsibility at all.
HE:  Poor mommy dogs? Lets get this right - they are Bitches. Not mommy dogs. Where'd you get your education? in a retard factory?
ME:  I have you know my education is... HEY! Who's the one in charge here?  You seem to forget who's driving and what your destination point is!  If I were in your shoes I'd be doing some begging, MISTER!
HE:  Well let me see.  If I beg you right now, for mercy and all that, will you take me back home and forget about this whole ugly business at hand?
ME: Nope - your boys are history, dude.
HE:  Then I'm not begging for no reason, no way, no how!  Uhm..., after this thing is over, I wont be talking funny and have a tendency of wearing cheap red-light district dresses will I?
ME:  No.., thats pure idiocy.  But you will be walking funny for a while.
HE:  Oh thats just great! The guys will be calling me names and insults and stuff. "Look! There's Stumpy!" or "Walking a little limp pawed aren't we?" or "Hey girl, you be lookin' fine" or worse.
ME:  Well, well.  Looks like we're here Buddy.
HE:  Look, maybe we can cut a deal here.  I'll leave the bitches alone and stay at home from now on. How's that?
ME:  We tried this talk before and you broke your promise.  We MUST do this. There are NO options.  Got it?
HE:  Oh God in heaven! Don't do this to me! I'll be good! I'll be a preacher dog or something, just lets not do this okay? Dude! Look into my eyes.., look deeply into my sad.., puppy eyes.....,  you are now under my power.  You will turn this car around and head home. When we get there you will only remember we went for a short drive.  You will forget about the whole snip-snip thing.
ME:  Eh.., I don't think so Buddy.  The Amazing Kreskin, you are not.
HE:  Okay - lets do this, but after its over, I'd hide the scissors and sleep with one eye open at night if I were you, MISTER GELDING!
It should be interesting to see if Buddy now has a greater appreciation for things including my strong sound arguments and justifications for having him fixed.  Excuse me now.  I have to hide the scissors.

Posted at 10:26 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages -->  

Thursday, October 11, 2007
What About Dave?

        Okay - I'm wondering if I need to stay home. Something is REALLY WRONG with me.  I'm serious.  My normal blasť days are becoming too ..., different!   Last week I get hit on by two younger women.  Thats two of them, both about 19-20 years of age, in two different locations same day. 
        They were really look-some women if I do say myself - well - the one had a really pretty face but dressed to make Trailer Trash Barby some hot competition. She was filthy as in her clothes were nasty.  The other was cleaner - but found the old "Smash the cart into mine" rouse as a preferred method of meeting men.  I don't trust women who use these measures to meet me.   Needless to say - unless they were old souls in youthful ADULT bodies and some major things in common, I don't want to waste their time or mine.  I'm too old and the clock is still ticking.
        Today I took me mom to Wally World's so she could do some shopping for groceries - and while I was there, far too many people were calling me "Sir", nodding hello, waving, Smiling real big and talking to me like I was somebody important or something.  I panicked, ran to the mens room to check my fly - which was in place (whew!) Next I examined my shirt in case I had it buttoned wrong - which would have been hard to do since it was a pull over shirt. Everything was in place.
        The only element I noticed in the mirror was something that I had not paid attention to before.  I actually have more gray hairs than ever! That many? Cheeze! They were NOT there last month, so what thuh...?  Is this the secret to my success lately? My gray hair?  Do men show me respect and women swoon at my very slight peppery gray haired presence?  I'm not one for attention in real life - just on this blog.
        I'm a shy guy who evades personal attention by nature.  Am I going  to be a celeb despite myself? I fear tomorrow I may see my picture on the cover of People Magazine under, "Sexiest Gray Haired Man on the Planet" and strangers will send me money for a lock of my hair while Herb gets wealthy selling my phone number to those hollywierd women with mega bux.  He knows how I hate talking on the phone, and would do this to pay me back for all those stinky jokes.
[Note To Self: Change Phone Number just in case]
        It's not easy being me these days. I complain about my back and knee pains - then my gray hair and BAM!  Suddenly people adore me.  Thats just not right somehow. It throws the whole universal balance of nature out of whack somehow, doesn't it?  Maybe THAT is the cause of global warming experiencing a sudden rate of acceleration.  Its just a theory I have people, so don't come pounding on my door with protest signs.  Besides - its something I cant help.  Its like a train wreck gone good.  I just cant explain it.
THE CAPTION CONTEST (last entry) is going good! Lots of really good captions. When the deadline approaches, I may possibly, potentially allow YOU to vote for the winner.  Yes, Its true.  YOU will select the winner, possibly.  For the moment, I am debating on grabbing a few innocent victims who are neutral and have them help me narrow it down to the top 10 - then turn you loose on each other and fight over the bones until only one is left standing.   This Caption Contesting thing isn't as easy as it seems. I will henceforth leave the regular practice up to Diesel on his blawg, and do my own caption contests periodically.  They are fun though aren't they!  I think they are.   THE CAPTION CONTEST is still open until Saturday - so if you have a good one, go ahead and throw it in now.
[NOTE: On same person Multiple Entries in the Caption Contest - I will pick the best one of those multiple entries by same person to narrow or whittle down the voting process for you peeps.]

Posted at 03:33 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(4) Pleading Hostages -->  

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