Just when you think you seen everything, I.., the Daveman.., was awakened in the middle of the night by something I wasnt prepaired for. At first I thought it was my Extraterrestrial friend, bob - DANG! Sorry - I keep spelling his name backwards - thats what happens when you spell your name without a capital letter. Anyway - I realized, I had not taken my pain meds, so it wasn't him. Thats the only time he shows up. No, this was some ashy gray lookin' earth type fella with stinky flesh...,
"Wooooooo! Woooo!", said the ghastly figure. "I am the ghost called, Carl, and I was never your friend in life. Your loss. I am here to warn you that three ghosts are going to pay you a visit..."
"HOLD! HOLD HOLD ON!", I interrupted. "You cant pull this. I SEEN the movie and I read the book! You aren't going to surprise..."
"Shut the freak up! I'm SPEAKING here!", Carl returned my interruption. "The first ghost will be the Ghost of Christmas last. The second Ghost will be the Ghost of Christmas Presents, and the last Ghost will be the Ghost of Christmas Futures."
I was taken back by it all. "Ok, so I didn't quite see that one coming. My bad. So what am I supposed to learn from these ghosts, Carl?"
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!". Carl grimaced, his jaw stuck till he worked it loose with a pencil. "You are too busy jacking your jaws to learn anything. I tell ya what. I will save the three spirits a trip - the price of gas and all. Your last Christmas, you didn't get what you wanted from Santa because he got side tracked and you spoke ill of him this year so you didn't get everyting you wanted. Serves ya right.'
"As for your Christmas Presents. I believe I covered that already too. Christmas Futures? Don't invest in anything in the near future!"
I abruptly got up out of bed and walked up nose to nose with mister stinky Carl. "I have no plans on investing in anything, Santa don't exist and I think you are a load of BAH HUM BUG! So get out of my house, go haunt someone else. You come in here, wake me up from an otherwise sound sleep to tell me a load of djoo-djoo? Get out of here!"
Carl's face contorted, hideously and his voice raised.., "JOHN, YOU LOUT! I WILL NOW BRING UPON YOU...."
I yelled back with my own facial contortions, "JOHN!? JOHN!? I am DAVEMAN, you DIP!"
Carl grew quite and looked confused. Checking his rotted vest pocket, he produced a slip of paper, examining it closer. "You're not John Zachary?"
"Ok, boy is my face red - uhm - while I'm here, do you know AbbyNormal? She's next on my list, I'll find John after her." Carl was really flushed for a gray looking dead guy.
After refusing to divulge their whereabouts and denied knowing Abby, I did the only thing I could do. I gave them Herb's address for John's. I figure if I cant sleep, he cant sleep either. Its only fair right? Where's my A&W - I need a stiff belt,
Carl left with great anticipation and I actually got a little extra sleep, You guys better behave yourselves! Forget Santa Clause - watch out for the Christmas Carl!
I hope your Christmas was a joyous one
and your New Years is a happy one.
fat chance on the latter, but hey, ya know ;-)
Posted at 10:06 am - Scribbled out by Daveman
-Alternate Reality Speak-